Is Broadening of Societal Values Resulting in Shrinking Marriage Spans?

What is it that kept couples living happily ever after till the last generation and what is now that the younger generation is increasingly taking to the 'trial and error' process in this aspect? In the past two decades, the Indian society has seen quite a bit of 'liberalisation'—this one in terms of shunning rigidity and letting the winds of newer cultures hold sway. Lifestyles, attitudes, thought processes, ambitions, aspirations, all have taken a quantum leap. Coupled with economic changes, this drift has changed the meaning of life in the Indian set-up. Has it, in the process, also taken the toll of loyalty and the willingness to adjust with the one person, who had been once chosen as a partner for life? Why are the marriages increasingly becoming short-lived? Mr A I do not see any change in the value systems as being the reason behind the shorter marriage spans. In my opinion, it is simply the lifestyle that has come to be, with the increasingly demanding work front as the real culprit. The times are no longer such that a nine to five job can suffice. The private sector has come into play in a big way and if one really wishes to carve out a place for oneself, then the worth has to be proved. Most jobs demand you to put in long hours, sacrificing holidays, sometimes travelling for most part too! For a family man, this kind of a situation might assume difficult proportions. Besides the job, there are several things to be managed to keep that structure called home from crumbling...there are sundry tasks to be performed, time given, to family and children. I wonder how the juggling of so many roles is possible. Also, I guess if the wife is working too, then things might just get out of hand, say for that matter over a leaking faucet! Miss B It is all okay my friend, but to break a family requires more than a leaking faucet. The way I see the picture is that today the youngsters have all the freedom to pick and choose their mates. When a decision is made in the teenage on solely emotional basis, trouble is in the offing and possibilities of having to reconsider the decision are rife. Also, there are choices galore. If after some time of married life one feels that the handsomest man is not exactly Mr Right or that the most beautiful woman in the world (until yesterday) gave your mother an earful over a non-issue, one is free to walk out. The freedom given to the youngsters to exercise their choices is right, but they must be mentally grown-up to use this freedom. With the kind of system taking shape in the society, the parents are only going to give the youngsters a wider berth. These are the times of innumerable permutations and combinations and one can go on experimenting till the right fit is achieved. Mr C My dear friend we should not forget that the family structure has also undergone a massive change with the times. Earlier, the prevalent form was that of the joint families, with the strong kinship leading the family out of any kind of crisis, simply by holding on together. Then the smaller units increasingly started flourishing and the nuclear families became the order of the day. The result is that there are more and more responsibilities being shared by the lesser number of people. Earlier on, the work was divided among numerous family members, making it all very manageable. Now the tasks are more in number, tempers are shorter and egos are larger. The counsel that was readily available is no longer there. In the event of a misunderstanding, the elders would mediate and matters could be sorted. Their past experience in handling similar life situations would come in handy and defuse any likely tensions, big or small. I feel that it is largely the unavailability of any guiding hand that is leading to such problems. Miss D There is no disputing the fact that the society as a whole has opened up to a very large extent. Especially when it comes to the women, there has been marked change. The working woman is no longer a novelty. Rather, it has become important that she earns in order to meet the expenses. Moreover, now we see women in professions which were once looked down upon. To boot, they go for it with approval from the family. There have been revolutionary changes in the way women dress up, conduct themselves, etc.  One can also see them frequenting places like pubs and discos.  Also, professionally the women are increasingly giving the men a run for their money. There are hardly any arenas left where we do not find a woman calling the shots. Also, the society is more free and flexible. This paradigm shift has had an unsettling effect on the males, who have to play along on the surface. If things do not massage with ego, or gel with ideas, then conflicts might arise.Young people today desire spouses who fit into every role, assuming the traditional and the modern garb as and when required. In the event of discovering the absence of all attributes, conflicts arise. Mr A I somehow have a feeling that it is only a very small section of the society that might be facing such a problem. It so happens that a few cases, if elaborated and displayed in blown out proportions, may make the issue seem larger than it really is. I still feel that the shorter marriage spans may be a phenomenon witnessed by a very specific set of people. The Indian society has largely held on to its values despite the onslaught of different cultures. For example, the Indian woman professional may be a power dresser, but at heart she still worries about her man's meals and her child's needs. Also, if you take into account the rural and semi-urban India, things are more or less the same. The family set-ups still do not permit any revolutionary changes. In the middle class in the urban areas, couples would occasionally bicker and bite, undoubtedly, but it would take more than the mundane to push them to part ways. I feel it has more to do with the individual cases than the society at large. Miss D I don't necessarily think so. There is always a first step for even the biggest happenings.  I feel that this trend is an outcome of the great emphasis on the self. This has increased the stakes for both people in the institution of marriage. The individuals have of late begun to calculate their gains, not necessarily in material terms. When there are lesser personal gains by the association then it may not go very far. The emphasis is on concepts like space, fulfilment and such similar intangibles, that raise many issues that were until some time ago not even spared a thought. The most common reasons that come forth from people in such situations are that they were either feeling too cramped or were getting suffocated in the bounds of a certain relationship. In my opinion, it is this awareness of the self and quest for fulfilment of it, that is creating the problem. Mr C Most of you would agree with me when I say that the economic dependence makes one put up with things that normally one wouldn't. Until a few years ago, a woman could not show her dissent or afford to go contrary to her husband. If she did, she would have no one on her side. The parents would not accept her and the husband would not keep her. Now, as she has stepped out and earns her bread, she is more confident and can be assertive. Earlier, a working woman was reason enough for many raised eyebrows. Now it is a common feature. There is also a greater awareness of rights that has prompted a questioning attitude. If things do not work out then she can walk out without fear. Let us not assume that the marriages till some time ago have been 'bonding' always. There are a lot of instances when it is a compromise of sorts. There are numerous cases of women living independently and even bringing up children single handedly. Miss B Somehow, this marriage of convenience does not gel with me. There is nothing sacrosanct left about it. More and more concepts from the West are finding manifestation here. I suppose we can even term it a legalised living-in.  People come together for achieving certain personal goals. In the earlier times the focus was on building the family as a collective force, but now all that remains is an untamed desire to make material gains. In times of crisis, which are an invariable part of any life, there is lesser and still lesser inclination to make allowance for mistakes. In such a scenario, marriage as we know it degenerates into an impermanent agreement. Not a very encouraging situation! Well, there is certainly some transition that the society is still witnessing in its value systems. But I guess before the trend takes on the status of the 'done thing', we must check the negative tendencies. The Indian households have been very tenacious, unbending the times of the worst distress. If the upheaval continues to affect it in the name of globalisation, it will not be long before we see every thing in the society turning flexible and 'disposable'.  The fact that is increasingly getting ingrained in the young minds about marital life has to be undone. It's time for them to realise that a temporary or a rocky relationship cannot give lasting happiness. And as far as the career goes, one can succeed professionally only if the personal life is sound.

--
with warm regards


Harish Sati
Fortune Institute of International Business
Plot no. 5, Vasant Gaon, Rao Tula Ram Marg
Opp. R.R. Army Hospitial, New Delhi- 110057
Mobile No:- 09990646343
E-mail:- Harish.sati@gmail.com

--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~
You have subscribed to the Groups "Sarkari-naukri" of http://sarkari-naukri.blogspot.com at Google.com.
Send email to Sarkari-naukri@googlegroups.com for posting.
Send email to
Sarkari-naukri-unsubscribe@googlegroups.com to unsubscribe.
Visit this group at
http://groups.google.com/group/Sarkari-naukri?hl=en
-~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---