Sparkle With Sunny Conversation

Listening is as good a part of conversation as talking. Atwell says, "The art of conversation consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably."   "One of the best rules in conversation is never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid", says Swift.   This is aptly said. Good conversation is nothing but a tete-a-tete between two equals.   The reason why so many fail to talk agreeably is that each one is thinking what to say next, rather than listening to what is being said.   Lord Chesterfield counsels: Never hold anyone by the button, or the hand, in order to be heard out; for if people are unwilling to listen to you, you had better hold your tongue than their hand.   That is why wisdom lies in following the suggestion. Silence is more eloquent than speech in some situations.   Wit and a sense of humour are basic ingredients of good conversation. George Bernard Shaw and G.K. Chesterton were sparkling.   Shaw was tall and lean, Chesterton was a mini mountain of flesh.   Chesterton poked fun at Shaw with: "Shaw, to look at you, it would seem there is a famine in England."   Shaw retorted, "To look at you, it would seem you were the cause of it!"   There are certain principles which any one can adopt to shine and sparkle as a conversationalist.   Conversation is expression of your personality, yet how often we hear people trying to talk like someone else. They try to adopt a special tone and accent for certain situations. There are many who imitate Shah Rukh Khan. They would do far better to try to be there own selves.   Of course, if you are trying to emulate a worthy for a purpose then the attempt will be part of your genuine personality.   That concerns the manner of our speech. Akin to this is naturalness in matter. We should not pretend interest or knowledge. Insincerity in conversation is soon detected.   Again, this does not preclude an attempt at self-improvement. Someone who speaks angrily and irritably most of the time is certainly reflecting his nature. But here is a case for trying to alter that nature.   Much unnatural speech springs from nervousness, perhaps from fear of making a fool of oneself. Try the quite simple expedient of taking a very deep breath or two before speaking. The effect is almost magical on a nervous conversationalist.   Obviously, there are certain situations of seriousness and solemnity when tact and sympathy are called for.   But by and large, the successful conversationalist is the one who radiates happiness and goodwill.   The person with a chip on his shoulder, with a constant grudge against something or someone, makes an undesirable companion.   If people always seem to be in a hurry to get away when we make conversation with them, we might well ask ourselves whether it is not because we are so obviously just about to launch into a tale of woe.   We may have the effect of driving people away from us for other reasons than that of a gloomy story, however. Your conversation may be downright boring.   Perhaps, of itself, the thing we want to say may have interest. But maybe those we are about to tell have heard it before.   If a conversation turns to a subject of which you have special knowledge, then you should make your contribution as especially as you can.   But it is a different thing from turning every conversation deliberately to your pet subject. This way you get reputation for being a bore.   Another aspect of poor conversation is gossip. Informed, friendly, appreciative comment is different from the whispered, and wicked suggestion, enquiry, or innuendo. Gossip is verbal cannibalism. People eat up their friends and neighbours' reputations. Gossip is essentially, snapping lies.   Gordon Byron writes: "A good rule is to ask yourself before you repeat a piece of gossip. Is it true? If it is true, will my repeating it do any good? Is it necessary for me to repeat it?"   "If you check every report you hear about someone else against these three questions, I think you will find that there will be mighty few such comments you will repeat."   Don't gossip.   Conversation is not a battle. Arguments at worst may end in abuse; you rarely achieve anything except convincing each that you were wrong and your opponent right.   Also, arguments exhaust. A good conversation should be refreshing.   Many assume that being a good conversationalist means doing all the talking. They play the game but keep the shuttlecock in their own court!   Conversation is two-way traffic of talking and listening, and the one is as important as the other. Good conversation has been likened to a game in which the ball is constantly passed from one player to the other.   Being a good listener contributes as much to a conversation as talking does. If you watch people when they are talking, you will find that some people are not at all interested in what is being said by someone else. They are poised ready to leap in the moment there is a break in the current speech.   Listening sympathetically helps those who are talking to us. But it can help us too. We can learn a great deal by listening to others.   Max Erhmann says of conversation: "Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant. They too have their story."   Creative listening is an important element in conversation.   There is a place in conversation for using specialised knowledge we may have.   A good test of the quality of a conversation is the number of "I's" and "me's" and "mine's" it has in it. The standard of the conversation is in reverse proportion to the number of those pronouns.   One way to establish a reputation as a good conversationalist is to find out what other people are interested in and talk about that.   People are always flattered when you enquire about their interests and activities. Of all the faults in conversation, sarcasm is the most damaging. Sarcasm is meant to hurt, and therefore can have no proper place in conversation.   Those who regard sarcasm as a form of humour would do well to remember the poet and author Rudyard Kipling's injunction about "mirth that has no bitter springs."   Otherwise, the sparkling stream of conversation can become muddied and fouled.   Do not give the impression that you are an oracle. Nothing is more damaging to the reputation of a conversation—that he does not know what he is talking about.   The best conversationalists are those who take in, as well as give out information to others. They read widely. They keep abreast of events. They are interested in life and people.   Equip yourselves for conversation by the breadth of your interests. Reading helps. But your conversation must be fluent, natural and convincing.   You cannot converse with your own self. It is a social occupation between two or more people, and this factor determines its character.   Conversation is not an academic exercise. It is a personal relationship. It springs from a deeply implanted desire to communicate and to be communicated with. Of all forms of communication—newspapers, books, art, music, broadcasting, films, drama, advertising—conversation remains the most vital and personal means.   The principle is respect for personality—your own, and that of the people with whom you engage in conversation.   The humdrum conversation between wife, and husband, which goes all the day long, provides an acid test.   The two are likely to rub each other the wrong way. If they follow the basic principles of sparkling conversation, the possibility of flinging verbal hurts is diminished, if not eliminated.   Respect for our own personality will lead to integrity in what we say, in a passion for truth and dignity in speech, in an endeavour to express our true self through what we say. Respect for others will lead to tolerance and understanding.   Keep these ten command-ments—and conversation will become a satisfying and rewarding occupation.

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with warm regards


Harish Sati
Fortune Institute of International Business
Plot no. 5, Vasant Gaon, Rao Tula Ram Marg
Opp. R.R. Army Hospitial, New Delhi- 110057
Mobile No:- 09990646343
E-mail:- Harish.sati@gmail.com


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